Dating always reminds me of those National Geographic videos of animals butting heads with each other, demonstrating who is the stronger mate. Darwin’s theory at it’s finest.
Unfortunately for those of us living with Fibro, dating is not as simple as butting heads.
Fibro affects about 3-6% of the world’s population, 75-90% being women. (via www.fmaware.org) Patients with Fibromyalgia are generally diagnosed between the ages of 20-50 years old, right at the busiest times of their lives. (via Disability Secrets )
Everything impacts your health, and you learn how to adjust your daily activities in order to cope with your pain. Diet, exercise, sleep, stress, medications, and even changes in the weather can affect your overall pain levels; thus, effecting your mood and even just your desire to date, not the mention getting your grove on. So while your body is picking a fight with your love life, how do fight back?
You go to war! That’s right. Make your battle plans ladies! Put on your war paint, polish those boots, and make sure that the lovely ladies are freshly pushed up–because this band is marching right out the door!
When going into battle, the key to winning is to know what you are up against. Alter the rules of engagement to fit your comfort level, emotional and physical. And if the other side runs away scared, they best keep running, because you are worth more!
Location, Location, Location!
Picking the correct battle site is the key for any successful encounter. If the wrong location is acquired, tensions could easily arise. Avoid places with annoying bright fluorescent lights or noisy bars for risk of a total system failure. Many people living with Fibromyalgia have hyper-sensitivities. Loud noises, bright lights, and even strong odors will induce their pain.
Let’s look at the average date spot of the local pub. For a Fibromite, it might as well be Stalingrad. A pub is the classic scenario of a good place gone bad once you have Fibromyalgia. Everywhere there’s a pain trigger just looking to end your love affair. Alcohol is on the not-to-do list. It will either make you start doing the hokey pokey from interacting with your medications, or it will make your pain worse from gluten and sugar allergies. Either way you’re not getting laid, just f-ed up. Then, the noise factor of the bar will heighten your nervous system; thus, making you jumpy, uncomfortable, or just plain in pain. All in all a pub is not the best date spot for a Fibromite.
So, what hunting grounds are left for a young Fibromite?
Try a new activity
Emily Brandon has some great suggestions in her titled “7 tips for Women over 50”. Wait..a minute…I’m still in my 30s. Damn it! But hey, don’t knock it ‘til you tried it, right?
…Expand your social circle by taking on new actives such as a cooking class, hiking group, or becoming a docent at a park or museum. “Find a situation that brings people together and offers an opportunity to meet and get to know each other,” says Abigail Trafford, author of As Time Goes By. Her suggestions for great places to meet a love interest: community centers, elder hostels, music and book clubs, or other community associations.
Via Us News
Even though an elder hostel might not be the best place to meet your Prince Charming, Emily does make some excellent points. Joining community groups is a great idea to meet new people outside of the bar scene. Try participating in a hack-a-thon, an art class, or even helping plant your local community garden to meet new people.
Above all, don’t give up on the hunt. Take your time, and have fun with it!